Tonia Brown

Today’s captured…er…I mean FEATURED author is Tonia Brown.  I made sure to remove all writing utensils from the tank before she arrived…just in case the experience was too excruciating and she wanted to chew on a pen.

Why writing?  What drew you to it? Why do you continue?

The fantastic riches and harems often associated with the life of a successful writer.

Because I have become addicted to the sweet, sweet words, man!

If you were freezing to death and the only thing left to burn were the books in your library, what 5 books would you burn last?  (And yes, everything else burnable has been burnt.)

  • The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Omnibus by Douglas Adams
  • Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
  • Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut
  • Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
  • The Oxford Book of American Poetry.

What’s the most challenging thing you’ve done (in life or in writing (your choice))?

In writing, I think it was putting my work out there for the first time. It was a heart wrenching experience. I was new to this whole thing, and even with an editor, I made a lot of beginner mistakes. I got my ass handed to me by more than one reviewer, and my experience with the “publisher” was just horrible. I nearly backed out of the whole game forever and ever and ever. But my husband stuck behind me and encouraged me to stay with it. I did back up a bit and soaked up as much from other writers as I could. I learned a lot more before I tried again. My second try was a bit better, and so on and so forth and here we are.

What’s one word or phrase that drives you nuts?  Why?

Lousy. I don’t know why, but I freaking hate when folks use lousy in its slang form—something in abundance. (ie, That tree is just lousy with mistletoe!) The original meaning was one infested with lice, which of course broke down over the years into something just awful, for obvious reasons. But it also took on the meaning of being infested with anything.  I am well aware that it is a weird hang up.

On the other hand, I love the word creamy.

Do you have a favorite character you’ve created?  If so, who is it and why?

I am currently in love with the main character from my weird western web serial, Railroad! Rodger Dodger is a man of action and intrigue. He has dashing handsome looks and a warped moral compass. He is the kind of bad boy every woman wants—a man who knows how to take care of things the short and bloody way, but also suffers from a lifelong guilt that has forced him back to the good side of things.

Creepiest place you’ve ever been?  Has it appeared in your fiction?  Why or Why  not?

About a quarter mile from the very spot I am sitting at, there is an old cemetery. Most of the headstones are just worn rocks, but there are a few proper monuments to civil war era ancestors. At night, that place is creepy as shit.  I have not put it in my work because I am afraid of it.

What’s the best rejection you’ve ever received?

A preprinted postcard that said, “Rejection Sucks.” And the rest was an advertisement for the magazine I submitted the work to. I guess they wanted me to buy a copy to figure out what I did wrong.

How did you get that scar?

This one on my nipple? It’s a really dull story. Chickenpox scar. Nothing more.

I do have one on my ass that I got when I fought off those robot pirate ninjas last year, but you don’t want to hear that story either.

What song would precede your entrance into a room if we all had personal soundtracks?

Brick House, by the Commodores (though I would prefer the Rob Zombie version)

Promote yourself and/or your writing

Tonia Brown is a southern author with a penchant for Victorian dead things. She lives in the backwoods of North Carolina with her genius husband and an ever fluctuating number of cats. She likes fudgesicles and coffee, though not always together. When not writing, she raises unicorns and fights crime with her husband under the code names Dr. Weird and his sexy sidekick Butternut.

You can find me and my stuff here and on Amazon

Final thoughts before you run screaming for your life?

On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year. Think about that next time you start chewing the end of your pen. G’night folks! Don’t forget to tip your wait staff!

Thank you, Ms. Brown for an interview not Lousy with lice.  However, upon your escape, you may want to make sure you didn’t pick up any new pets.  When you reach the stairwell, take it.  It leads to the cemetery.  By the time you reach the surface, the moon will be peeking through the trees.

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