Why Zombies?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked that question, but it’s been enough that I have an answer I don’t have to think twice about.  And for some reason, I this I’ve written this before.  Forgive me if I’m repeating myself, but I think it was one of my mysterious missing messages.

But WHY ZOMBIES?  Why not vampires?  Why not werewolves?  Why not serial killers?  Because zombies are incorruptible.  You can’t pay them off.  You can’t coerce them into thinking your way.  You can’t promise them a few extra brains as a campaign slogan and expect them to vote for you.  You can’t lure them away with a fresh kill and expect they won’t eat you too.  They have a single motive…at least traditional zombies do…and that’s to devour brains or flesh.  And guess what…even though some of us don’t use the former for more than mere existence, we all have both.  If you capture them in order to eliminate a foe, you cannot expect them not to gobble you up at the first available chance.  In fact, I would expect that they would escape just to make the story interesting.  Because, let’s face it, zombies aren’t “bad” guys.  They’re just single-minded and extremely focused….and fair.  Fair?  Of course.  Everyone has an equal opportunity to end up joining the ranks of the walking dead no matter how prepared you are.  They don’t prefer one brain over another.  They don’t care what you’re wearing.  They don’t care how much you weigh.  I’d guess that the less they have to chase you, the better, but I wouldn’t guarantee it. 

Vampires, werewolves, even serial killers and Bigfoot, they all have a sort of human element to them.  Vampires could be led astray by striking a deal to give them your entire graduating class on prom night.  Werewolves?  They’re human part of the time…and perhaps a tin of beef jerky would help.  Serial killers aren’t likely to pick you, but if one happens to, you may be able to talk tour way out of your untimely death.  And Bigfoot…Bigfoot is a rather discerning fellow and would rather just be left alone. 

So if you end up surrounded by a hoard of zombies…or even treed by just one, don’t waste your breath explaining how your bother-in-law has a bigger brain than you.  The shamblers won’t care.

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